swagbucks supposedly you use it as a search engine and get points to cash in for gift cards.  Liz?  Jennie? 

I feel like I’ve lost my identity. 

My life is consumed with bottles, diapers, cuddles and crying.  I don’t mean that in a negative way.  I am so in love with my daughter, it is so beyond words.  I can’t explain it.

We “left” the church we were members of the day before Lydia was born.  That was not our plan, but ugly things happened.  We have been visiting a few churches, we need to find a church home. 

If you recall we moved 1,000 miles from NYC to GA mainly to attend that church.  I’ve lost all my friends down here. It hurts.  A lot. 

I want Lydia to grow up in church so badly, but when Christians hurt you….

I don’t often quote Ghandi “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

It is true, NONE of us are like we should be.  NONE of us are like the Christians at Antioch.

Still recovering from my c-section.  Tomorrow will be 3 weeks that the nurse has been coming out daily to do my wound care.  My asthma has been acting up, and my left wrist has gotten worse.  Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll drop Lydia.

WOW, this is a totally self centered, whiny post!  I didn’t intend that at ALL

Okay.

Lydia was 7 weeks old yesterday!  I can’t believe how big she is getting! She still hates tummy time.  she “rolled over” twice.  It was most likely an accident.  She was on her tummy on her “Merry Monkey Gym” and then slowly she was on her side then back!

The faces and noises she makes are awesome.  I almost like the sound of her crying.  I of course do not want her to hurt or be uncomfortable, but her cries are so cute!  She still will not take a pacifier.  Everyone and everything says sucking soothes a baby.  So, since she hasn’t 100% found her fingers yet,  (she can  get the hang of it, but then her thumb gets too slippery and falls out – she holds on to her face for dear life) she sucks mine.  Both pointer fingers are incredibly chapped.  I don’t want to put lotion on since I never know when I’m going to be her binky, so I have been using the lanolin for my breasts.

I LOVE her smiles!  and she’s lifting her head up so well!  I don’t want to compare her to other babies, because I know all babies develop at a  different rate.  Kelly, I find myself comparing her to Ella all the time!  saying, “Ella is a week younger than Lydia, how come Ella is already doing this and Lydia isn’t!?”  BAD I know.  I’ve got to stop and just let nature take it’s course.

I don’t mind changing her diapers.  I would do anything for her.  I pray every day that she will not end up with asthma, or any other chronic illness.  Though the dr said she has colic, I think she’s just hungry.  I’ve been feeding her on demand instead of according to the clock, and things seem to be working out.  We just have a really lousy schedule.  Fred/Daddy is a night owl, so most nights we are up until 2 AM then she sleeps all day.  She didn’t fall asleep until nearly 3 this AM, and I had to wake her up at 7:45 to feed her and change her before we left for our WIC appt.  The nurse will be here at 1:00, and I have a pulmonologist appt at 2:30. 

Church tonight.  I still keep her with me.  I can’t bear the thought of when she has to go into the nursery!

I’m pretty sure I had my period 2 weeks ago, but I started bleeding again yesterday!  What’s the deal?  After so many months of not having it, then bleeding for so long after I had her.  Can I get a break already?  LOL 

Hope everyone is well.

Lydia is 5 weeks old today.  We went to the Dr.  She weighed 10 lbs 4 oz, and was 22 inches long. 

Her newborn metabolic screens that had to be repeated came back within normal limits, so that was a good thing.

No sleep.  No sleep, no sleep.  Her “boogie time” as I call it has been diagnosed as colic.  Sigh.  All the books I’ve read say the episodes normally take place between 6 PM and midnight, Lydia’s clock is off… she’s usually between 9PM and 3AM.  We got a prescription for a special formula.  I can survive with no sleep, but I don’t want her to be in pain. 

Fred is holding her while I am microwaving myself some soup.  Haven’t been on Xanga much.  I’m sure mommies will understand.

She is officially smiling now, and I LOVE it.  I could eat her up!!!

So, went to the Dr yesterday.  My incision opened up in a spot.  He did a wound culture, said it didn’t look infected, but wouldn’t be surprised if it came back saying I had a staph infection!  WOW!

So, I am here, waiting for my visiting nurse to come pack my wound…

Lydia is napping in her swing, Freddie just came home.

WHEE!!  HE BROUGHT IN THE MAIL!  MY PACKAGE CAME FROM SARAH! 

WAKE UP LYDIA SO I CAN PUT YOU IN THE SLING!!!!

I can hardly believe Lydia is 4 weeks old today!  We’re working on getting into a schedule.  When she’s up every 3 hours (Old habits die hard, for those in the health care field I almost wrote Q 3 Hours.  Hoo Boy) to eat, my sleep is very shattered.  I feel like I’m feeding, diapering, pumping, washing bottles over and over and over…

Today I actually folded and put away all the laundry!  And we went to pick up a box from FedEx.  A friend from High School that I was reunited with on Facebook sent me a TON of hand-me-downs from her daughter, some still had the tags on them!

Fred didn’t get home from work until after 8, Lydia was napping so we were able to eat at a relatively relaxed pace.

I need to call the doctor to have my incision checked.  It itches, and is still draining.  I have no fever, the area is not hot to the touch, It isn’t red, and I don’t think the drainage smells, but 4 weeks later, I think I’d stop draining by now!

I got coupons in the mail yesterday for free Kraft Cheese, Free Nabisco Crackers, and Free Planters nuts.  Cool.  Free is always good.

I’m trying to upload pictures, but Xanga is not cooperating… Chrysler Financial’s site is not cooperating either! Grrr

I’m such a dork, I created a blog for the baby…. www.xanga.com/lydia__hope 

She survived, I barely did. 

She LOVES her Boppy! 2/1/09

2/1/09 we’re getting a fresh diaper

2/1/09 just a-fussin’

2/1/09 She was cradled in my right arm, and looked so cute, but she moved her arm

2/1/09 Passed out

2/1/09 with Daddy before Church

1/31/09 Why do you always have that camera in my face?

1/30/09 Mommy’s saying “No, Lydia, Don’t Cry!”  I didn’t listen.  Daddy doesn’t know who looks more pathetic…

1/31/09 asleep at the mall

1/31/09 BEFORE we went to Zaxby’s

1/31/09.  I just had a bottle, and I’m content

1/31/09 eating popcorn… (just kidding)

1/31/09 At the Food Court, Daddy is at “Great American Cookie”

1/21/09 Seriously, with the camera?

1/31/09 WHY Won’t the paparazzi leave me alone?

I’m a rhino like daddy!

1/30/09 all tuckered out

Daddy put me in bed with Elmo, I’m not sleeping though.

Not posed, I like to Party like a rockstar!

1/17/09 The first time Mommy got to hold me after being under the bililights

chilling in my Boppy on Mommy and Daddy’s (unmade) bed

Telling Daddy a secret

In my Papasan from “Grandma” Vigar

So, we went to bed at 4:00 AM.  Lydia was up for a feeding at 4:06, got a fresh diaper at 4:20, then back to bed. 

Up at 6:49 for a feeding (I was actually up cleaing my incision – ick), fresh diaper at 7:19 then back to bed.

Up at 10:26 for a feeding, fresh diaper at 10:39 AM, then back to sleep on Mama in the recliner.

Up at 12:16 Then it was “boogie time” My term for her high energy periods, she was up til nearly 3.  Fred decided to take me out to eat, then we were going to go to a park and take Lydia for a walk in her stroller.  (it was 56 degrees)

Well, we went to Zaxby’s.  Fred was waiting for our food, about 4:00 and Lydia started to fuss a little bit.  It had been about 3 hours since her last feeding so I went to give her a bottle.  (Still having Breast Feeding issues, still pumping, still supplementing with formula) I heard her toot and knew she was going to need to be changed too. 

Fred had commented in her first few days about her “farting” and I told him she was too delicate to fart.  Then we heard her one night, Fred said, “That was loud for an ADULT!”  So yes, my little girl is gaseous…. LOL

ANYWAY, I asked a girl sweeping the floor if they had a changing table in the ladies room (I thought most places did) well they didn’t.  We were in the back corner in a booth (I can fit in booths again, yay!) and my diaper bag has a changing pad, so I figured I’d just lay the pad and change her there.  I continued feeding her, and then looked down and saw poop on her foot, then on my sweater, then in the carseat.  MAJOR diaper blowout!  OH, MAN!  So we went about cleaning her up, then I put her down and unsnapped her and saw something black.  Her umbilical stump had fallen off.  (I knew it would, but) I started Bawling.  In the middle of Zaxby’s.  Hormonal? 

And I didn’t have an extra change of clothes in the diaper bag!  I felt like the worst mother in the world with my poopy little baby, I’m crying in Zaxby’s with her wrapped in 2 recieving blankets.  Well, we got home and put on a fresh outfit, and went back out.  It was dark by now, so we drove by 2 places we thought to walk around, but ended up going to the mall.  I got 2 oatmeal raisin walnut cookies at the Great American Cookie, and I needed a planner, so we went to Books-A-Million and I got a really cool one for $3.00.  If I had a job, I would have paid the $10.99 for it a month ago, but the price made it sweeter!

So we came home, we’ll try the park after church tomorrow weather permitting.  She’s chilling in her boppy pillow and growling a bit right now.  I LOVE the noises and faces she makes!   She’s thisclose to discovering her thumb too!  I can’t believe she’ll be 3 weeks old on Tuesday!  I need to clip her nails, but I’m scared of cutting her, any pointers?  LOL

OH, I don’t know HOW, but I’m already 15 lbs LESS than my PRE-PREGNANCY weight!  Somehow, I lost 30 lbs in 3 weeks?  I have NO CLUE how that is humanly possible. 

(I can’t believe she is two weeks old already!!!)

We were told to be at the hospital at 10:00 AM as I was scheduled for a C-Section at 12:30

We hung out in Labor and Delivery Pre-op just talking and joking, my parents were on the way up from FL.

The nurse told me I would be getting an epidural or a spinal depending on the anesthesiologist, she said one of them does exclusively spinals.

At about 12:10 the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself and told me he’d be doing a spinal.  He said the difference was needle size, and I’d get numb in 2 minutes as opposed to 30 minutes with an epidural.

They brought me over to the OR where I had to sit on the table.  Lynette the midwife was there to assist Dr. Kitchen the OB.  She was rooting me on as they numbed me to give me the spinal.  LOL  I was crying during that, so I couldn’t imagine the surgery.

They finished giving me the spinal and put a drape up, then I felt dizzy all of a sudden.  “John” from Anesthesiology was behind me and told me my blood pressure had plummeted which is normal with a spinal, they gave me some oxygen and some medicine to bring it back up.  I turned my head and saw Freddie walking in.  A vision in powder blue.  LOL.  He was all sterile, (well not sterile… hee hee) “John” told him he could hold my hand on one side of the drape but not past it. 

Fred held my hand as I cried and kept telling me it was going to be okay.  My parents were in the waiting room, they got there after I was taken into the OR so I didn’t get to see them beforehand.  I could smell flesh burning, it was some kind of cauterization I think.  It all happened so quickly.  “John” told Fred he could stand up and look over the drape to see the head.  I was warned I’d feel a lot of pressure, like someone was sitting on my stomach.  I heard Dr, Kitchen say, “I’d say she’s just at 9 lbs.”  Next thing I knew, I heard her cry.  It was the most beautiful noise I’d ever heard.  It was 12:46 PM she weighed 7lbs 14 oz, and was 19 inches long.

They were looking her over and giving her the APGAR test, (which was 8 and 9) and “John” told Fred, he could go over, Fred looked at me and asked, “Do you mind?”  Obviously I wasn’t going anywhere. So he went over to her.  He exclaimed (Mind you, Freddie is a joker) 13 lbs 6 oz!!! Next thing I knew they laid her on my chest for what seemed like a split second, and then they must have drugged me further to begin sewing me up.  I remember being in the recovery room and asking for something to drink.  They gave me a small cup of ice chips.  I fell asleep with it in my hand because I woke up to it spilling on me.  The nurse asked how I was feeling, I said, “I want to see my baby.”

Soon after I was taken to the Mom-Baby floor.  Fred and my parents were already there (as was Lydia) They put her in my arms so I could breastfeed.  I was lucky nothing was wrong with her, so I was able to have her room in with me.  The bed next to me was free, so Fred was able to stay too.  Thank GOD because I was good for nothing.  I still couldn’t feel my legs, I still had the catheter, and they compression stockings on.  He changed all her diapers the first night.  Fred sleeps through EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING.  When she cried, he sat up in the bed and looked over at her, if she kept crying he went and stood over her, and if she continued, he picked her up and soothed her.  I was so glad he was there, to have this special bonding time.

Grace and Darran and Hope came to visit, and brought me starbucks but I was on a clear liquid diet.  (mmmm beef broth and jello!  3 meals a day)  Later, Wayne and Jennifer came by as did Olivia.  It was nice to have visitors!

My catheter and stockings were removed, the next AM as was my IV and I was encouraged to walk.  It was difficult, but I did my best.

That night, I still didn’t have a roommate, so Fred was able to stay again.  It was great to have my family all together.  We prayed a lot.  We thanked GOD for the miracle he had bestowed upon us.  We were up at night a lot.  She was fussy.  Her weight had dropped to 7 lbs 11 oz.  I couldn’t get her to take my breast, and the nurse on the floor told me not to worry about the “nipple nazis” and encouraged me to give her formula.  I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want her to get used to a fake nipple, and lose the taste for breastmilk.  So, we gave her a syringe of 15cc’s of glucose water. That seemed to placate her.  She was also very mucusy which they say is normal for C-Section babies. (I had no clue)  She slept with us again that night.

Thursday Afternoon, Fred went home to run some errands, and then they told me I was getting a roommate.  I was sad, because It was so nice for us all to be together.  I called Fred and he came back.  I still tried to nurse every 2-3 hours, she wouldn’t nurse for long, but they told me that the first few days, they’re only getting colostrum, and don’t need a lot.  Her weight dropped to 7 lbs 4 oz that night.  I commented that she looked yellow to me, but I’m pasty white of Irish descent, so any colour looks odd next to me.  We had a very rough night without Fred there.  She wouldn’t nurse, and I couldn’t soothe her the way her Daddy could.  We were up most of the night.  Her just looking at me trustingly with her big blue eyes, and me not knowing what to do. 

When her pediatrician came in Friday morning he said she looked a little yellow, so they were going to check her bilirubin levels.  This was before 8AM.  By 10 AM, I still hadn’t seen a nurse (they normally came in about 7 to check vitals, give meds, and empty my drain)  So I went looking.  I also wanted to results of Lydia’s test.  I was on a warpath.  A nurse I spoke with said the results should be back by 11:00.  So, I waited.  and waited.  and waited.  by 1:00 PM I went to find my nurse, and the results were in she said, I have to call Dr. Hester.  She called, he was at lunch.  She gave the results to someone in the office.  But wouldn’t tell me what they meant. (it was 15.2) Renee had been through this with Danni in November, so I texted her and then called her and she put my mind at ease.  By 2 they told me they had orders to put her under the bili-lights.  I requested that they not give her a bottle in the nursery.  I told them my husband was on the way and he’d want to hold her so they told me to tell him to hurry.

They took her from me, and my heart broke a little bit.  How could I fall in love with her so quickly?  How could I miss her so much?  Fred came and they let us go into the nursery (which apparently they don’t normally do) he held her and we prayed for her and we left.  I can’t tell you how many times that night I was up at the nursery peeking through the slats of the blinds just to see my little girl.  I was using a hand pump to pump breast milk, which I don’t even know if they fed her.  I was up there about 10:30 and Fred had just left for the night, and the nurse came out.  I asked how much she’d weighed that night.  She didn’t know and kind of waved me off.  But then she told me, “If you want for her next feeding we can bring her to you.”  NOBODY had told me that.  I’d gone over 8 hours without holding my baby.  I was ELATED!  I called Fred and told him they were going to let me feed her.  I drank a huge mug of water and settled into my bed.  I was going to be rested and hydrated for my little girl.

About 1:30 Lydia was brought to me.  It was great to hold her, and smell her, and kiss her.  But, she still wouldn’t take my breast.  They came back 20 minutes later and took her back. 

Saturday AM the on call Pediatrician came in and her bilirubin had decreased to 9.8 so he said she could come home.  I was on cloud nine!  I sent Fred a photo of her and a text saying, “Come and get us Daddy!”  He was still sleeping ha ha.  I had to call him a couple of times, but he came to get us.

She weighed 7 lbs 1 oz when she was released.  We’ve still been having breastfeeding issues.  We went to the lactation consultant on Tuesday and of course she was on her best behaviour there.  She nursed like a pro and took 1.2 oz in 10 minutes.  I bought a battery operated breast pump there (Thanks Mom/Grandma!) and I’ve been pumping at home.  I still offer her the breast, but she doesn’t seem to want to take it.  Sometimes, I don’t pump much at all, so I have had to supplement with formula. 

Thursday, I got a call from the Pediatrician that one of her Newborn metabolic screens came back irregular, so we had to go to the Hospital to have that redone.

Went to the Dr. yesterday for a weight check, she’s up to 8 lbs 7 oz!!!!  The doctor said that is good.  I thought it was a huge gain, but he said it’s normal. 

She was extra fussy today.  I blame Bryan for throwing her day off.  LOL  Thanks for all your prayers.  I can’t believe I got this time to blog!  My days are lately filled with feedings, burpings, diapers, bottle washing, pumping, rocking, praying, feedings, burpings, diapers, bottle washing, pumping, rocking, praying and I actually vacuumed yesterday too!

Photos here, here, and here