August 24, 2009
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today was very hard for me.
Lydia was tugging on her ear yesterday, and sneezing, and coughing, and had a (clear) runny nose. No fever. She's teething so I attributed it to that.
This morning, she was hacking a bit more, so I called the Dr. (New Mommy Syndrome) they said to bring her in this afternoon.
She was especially clingy, (Miss Independent doesn't like to cuddle as much as I'd like her to anymore) RED FLAG.
I'd put her down for a nap and when I went in to get her I heard myself wheezing loudly. Then............. I realized it wasn't me wheezing.
REWIND. For those that don't know I've been asthmatic since I was 15 months old. I have very severe asthma. Very severe. Every day of my pregnancy and every day since Lydia has been born I've prayed that she wouldn't have asthma or allergies or any other respiratory illness. I've asked the LORD to make mine worse so she wouldn't have to suffer. After the episode in St. Augustine, I felt like the LORD was answering my prayer so I couldn't be mad. Every time I use my nebulizer Lydia tries to play with it, if I'm not using it, she still tries, and I swat her hand and say, "No!"
Back to today:
I brought her in (she weighs 17 lbs 14.5 oz at 7.5 months) and she has the beginning of an ear infection. The doctor told Lydia, "we'll get a treatment going and you'll feel better." He stepped out and the nurse came back in with a nebulizer. My heart dropped and I started crying. I had to give her the treatment. She cried the whole time, so did I.
The kicker? They sent her home with a nebulizer. The same one I have. The same one I swat her and tell her no when she tries to pay with it. I just had to give her another treatment. I feel like my heart is breaking.
The Dr. said, "Not nessecarily asthma, but when a baby has an infection sometimes it manifests itself with asthmatic symptoms." We prayed as I put her down and I asked The LORD again that she wouldn't have asthma or allergies or any other respiratory illness. I've asked the LORD to make mine worse so she wouldn't have to suffer.
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